Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Man of a Different Beard

There are many reasons to grow a beard and there are many beards to grow. This blog post will be about those reasons and some of those beards.  I will use figures and graphs and scientific data pictures to illustrate the powers of facial hair.


Exhibit A, the Tasty Beard.  If your grow your mustache or goatee out long enough it can be used as a food storage device. It can save all sorts of food stuffs but gravy, ice cream, crumbs, and dead flies seem to stick the best. It can even be used to lour unsuspecting females in for a snack














5, the Confidence Booster.  Having facial hair will pretty much make you invincible. I know what your thinking that this doesn't make sense but the only bone I ever broke happened when I was without hair on my face. When I have hair on my cheeks or chin I know that I can do what ever I want without having to worry about the consequences.  6 pitches of 5.7 climbing with no gear, no problem but as you'll notice the guy without hair is a little freaked out. Without my facial being near him he would probably wouldn't have made it.


Figure @, the Don't Mess With Me Our My Associates And Me Will Hunt You Down.  See the picture the title really says it all. (Notice I'm the only real body slinging ninja operator because I have facial hair.)









Illustration BETA, the Fire Beard.  With follicles on your face you can hike longer carry more and get taken far more seriously when you're a firefighter.  Because of my beard I was given firefighting superpowers and burned, sawed, chopped (using a herring), and kicked down more trees than the Sierra Club has ever saved.  







Image ralph, the Monkey Tail.  When things just get a little to serious you need to lighten the mood but maybe you still need to look presentable so what are you to do.  You grow the mullet of the beard world. Surprisingly most people will just miss what's going on and assume you have either a nice trimmed beard or just a goatee and mustache but when the realization kicks in and people finally notice it's a show stopper.







No comments:

Post a Comment